I Hate Ignorant People!!!!!

I'm writing this post and I am extremely upset. Here I am minding my own business when my 'friend' (I'm still not sure if I should call anyone so ignorant my friend), bursts out that she doesn't understand the 'hype' over Jamaica's Independence or over the Emancipation of slaves.

To put this into context, Emancipation Day was celebrated on August 1 and marks the day black slaves were considered free men, the day when they would not have to toil under their masters' whip. The day when blacks could try to reclaim their dignity and stop being chattel to their white owners, mere animals created for nothing else but manual labour. Jamaica also celebrated its independence from Britain on August 6. Several events were held across the island to commemorate these two events.

So back to my ignorant 'friend', I could let it slide about the independence thing. Though I am fiercely patriotic, I can understand if people feel disillusioned by the fact that our country still has so many problems. Her Emancipation comment rocked me to the core though and I am seriously contemplating slashing her from my list of friends.

I mean how can you use the word 'hype' in the same sentence as Emancipation? I tried to explain to her that Emancipation is not about hype in the first place, and that secondly I thought she was ignorant for having the gall to be ungrateful that so many thousands of people died so that we could be free. In Jamaica here, many persons were hanged for starting the freedom uprisings. In the US people were lynched for having the audacity to be black and breathe the same air as whites.

Mark you, reflecting on Emancipation is not a time to be bitter and to hate whites, it's a time to celebrate the coming of age of the human race on a whole and the end of ignorance (which my 'friend' seems intent on perpetuating). Therefore, how can you even have the balls to after suggesting there is too much hype around Emancipation say you are not even sure we are better off being free? To me, that's an affront to our ancestors and shows that person is really better off being a slave, because, clearly that person does not deserve to walk among humans as equals, because while as a race we have not fulfilled our potential in several areas, the hope that our forefathers had when they fought for emancipation is still alive and the dreams of our forefathers can still be realised.

I don't even feel any way about being so harsh, anyone that ignorant does not deserve consideration. Anyone who even for a moment thinks that perhaps I would be better off in chains, chopping sugar cane or picking cotton cannot be my friend. Anyone who thinks being treated like an animal and being sold like goods could have any positive sides CANNOT be my friend. Anyone who thinks like this is certainly still a slave.

World Championship

OK, so this weekend I've been glued to my TV, heart pounding, anxiety mounting, but feeling on top of the world. This weekend was the start of the World Championships in Berlin, Germany. if you know anything of Jamaica you'll know we are athletics (esp track) fanatics....we also have the calibre athletes to justify our love of the sport.

Biggest treat today?

USAIN BOLT BROKE THE WORLD RECORD AGAIN!!!!!!

This means he has lowered the mark from 9.69 to 9.58...is that even conceivable? Also, my personal favourite, Asafa Powell, placed third in a race which saw him running the best in a long time. What can i say, I'm proud of my Jamaican boys.

Only negative to the 100m race was Tyson Gay cursing at the end as if he thought he would have won Bolt. I think it would have been more in keeping with the spirit of sports, if he enjoyed the moment and thanked God his name would be a part of history, after all he was in a history-making race. To make things worse, the guy ran the best race of his life, lowering the American record, running faster than he would have dreamt of running a year ago, yet he was too vexed to even celebrate his achievement. I really hate sore losers.

Anyway, I'm signing out now, cause i gotta rest so i can catch some more races tomorrow! two medals to down, many more to come!!!!

Sleeping on the Job

Since I'm at work, nodding off because I was on the phone for over 5 hours last night with my honey, and didn't get to bed until almost 5 a.m., I might as well just do a proper introduction of myself. Yeah I know, I have a profile page; but have you really looked on that measly one line that I have used to describe myself?

I think one of the things I'm proudest to be identified as is Jamaican. I know there is no rhyme or reason to being overly patriotic, especially when your country is poor, sometimes gets international headlines for wrong reasons (human rights violations, especially by the police; marijuana exports; murder rate; and a host of other undesirble things my countrymen get up to). But, on the whole, this country is full of passion, people are genuinely warm, the weather is heavenly, and most of all we know how to sing and dance even through the worst most depressing circumstances. Plus Jamaicans are hilarious, maybe in a later post I'll elaborate on some of the funny things that we laugh among ourselves about and regale you with some Jamaican expletives. haha!

Anyhoo, I'm a journalist who up to January this year worked for the leading Caribbean newspaper. I'm a trained radio broadcaster and have worked with two radio stations. I currently work in the government information service as a print reporter.

I'm also a student at the University of the West Indies, who is pretending to complete her masters in International Relations. My thesis focuses on international trade law, specifically dispute settlement at the World Trade Organisation.

I'm not very family oriented, but I am very close to one of my brothers. I have 4 brothers and four sisters by the way (yeah i know, that's a lot). I am the last child :)

Funny how you can't think of anything to say about yourself when you decide to write about youself. Just reminds me of one of the worst questions i've been posed: "Um so, tell me about yourself" Who the hell can actually respond to such a request?

As if my day at a boring job, couldn't get any worse; my housemate just called to tell me the power company has disconnected our electricity. It's so depressing too considering we just got around to calculating the bills this morning and she was supposed to pay them today. Just another thing when you procrastinate, now it's going to cost us more to get it reconnecetd. Not to menion it's so embarrassing having your lights cut off! YIKES!!!

Ever felt workday blues? Tell me so we can both feel miserable (lol). Also, what is one thing about yourself you are most proud of without any really tangible reason?

Happy Day

Today is one of those days that I get a glimpse of what I'd like for my life. Not necessarily what I did today, since I'm mostly staying home, chatting with a friend who is crashing with me a bit, listening to music and of course blogging. The most significant thing about today is that I can do anything I want to. It's my day off and I'm not bogged down by the demands of work. I don't have a boss to please, nor am I stressing about writing what is pleasing to my editor. I can do anything, write anything. This is what I want, freedom. I just haven't fully worked out how I'll make money, how I'll fill the hours and what I really want to do. I'm figuring it out though, you can see my journey on my other blog: http://oneonecocoa.wordpress.com

Two posts ago I pondered whether to make my blog more personal, rather than only discuss my opinions on particular issues I might be thinking about at the moment, I think the decision is that I'll make this blog a little more personal.

So, as a symbol of my keeping things close to home here, here's a text I sent my boyfriend today. Contrary to my last post I must be feeling pretty in love today. haha

I'm here wondering why I sometimes risk losing you for silly things or just for the sake of being stubborn when I am so in love with you and when losing you would be the worst thing that could happen to me. I'm going to try harder, I promise. I love you.

Do you think it is OK to want to make changes for your significant other? How far should you go? What should you NEVER do?


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Love's Labours Lost

All or nothing...that's how it is with emotions. You can't just feel one and not the others....It's all of them or none of them. You also can't half love or half hate...it's all or nothing.

I used to feel nothing, no real love, no real hate, no real sadness and no real joy. I loved it as much as one who cannot love could ever love a thing, with appreciation and with the satisfaction of knowing I was in control.

At age 15, I had made a vow to myself. I had realised that feelings and caring about people involved a risk to ones own self. After suffering at the luck of the draw, having family hurt me just because I wanted them to love me, I realised it was better not gambling. You see, if you don't let people close enough to care about them, then they can't hurt you. So, I made a pact with myself, I would never feel again, and I would never cry again. It worked. My life was content. I only broke my no-crying rule on my 18th birthday. I just thought I deserved a cry afte three years. After that night I resumed keeping my promise to protect myself.

This promise was well kept until after I completed my undergraduate studies at 21. He tried for two years unseuccessfully to break down my defenses. I weighed my options and decided to give love a chance. That was my first mistake.

I'm learning now it's not possible to select the emotions I feel. You let in one, you let in all. Is it worth it feeling love when with it comes doubt, sadness, distrust and an unexplained aching within?

Another lesson, I can't help crying when i'm sad, frustrated or watch a particularly touching movie. So, with the emotions has returned my tendency to wear my feelings on my sleeve and to express those feelings outwardly, especially with tears.

They say it's better to have loved and lossed than to have never loved at all. But is it? Is it really better to feel the pain that can come with love than to blissfully go about not knowing what love feels like and, by extension, what it feels like to be burned by love?

Should I resurrect this blog?

Just passing through here and wondering, 'Should I ressurect this blog?' I have such a fleeting attention span, a personality that starts one project enthusiastically then forgets it just as quickly. However, sometimes I feel I need an outlet, a place I can let my thoughts run free. I think I should return to this blog and start to give it some loving.

I have been a bit down in the dumps feeling like I have not been doing what I should to ensure my life is what I want it to be. Since making my last post here, I was laid off from a job that I worked at for four years, a newspaper company. I relocated back home for a little while, then got a new job and came back to the city. Since that time i've broken up with my boyfriend and gotten back together. In April my father died. I have reverted to having a roommate as I have less income from my new job than what I made at the old job and, therefore, can no longer afford an apartment of my own. That pretty much sums up the last six months. If this spell of blog enthusiasm continues, I might get into detail about some of these events.

I'll probably be needing this blog a lot in the next few months so i'm optimistic i'll post at least for a while. I think I should also make my blog a little more personal. Things to ponder, even as I ponder resurrecting this blog.

I'm A Mass Of Contradictions

I'm carefree, but I'm calculated

I'm friendly, but I'm aloof

I'm lazy, but I'm hardworking

I'm trustworthy, but I'm secretive

I'm open minded, but I have boundaries

I'm wise, But I'm foolish

I'm lucid, but I'm irrational

I love company, but I love being alone

I'm warm, but I'm cold

Should I blame people if they think I'm a two-faced bitch?

New Year Reflection

2008 came and went, yet it's all a blur to me. I can barely separate 2008 into moments. How can i when it seems to have been just one short, fleeting moment.

Where are the big plans i made, all the grand goals i would accomplish by the end of the year?

Another year wasted procrastinating, second guessing, loafing, doing nothing...I was going to discover my purpose, my strengths and my true love (whatever that thing or person is)...the world was going to discover me, i was going to make strides, people were going to start feeling my presence, my worth.

How many opportunities have been lost procrastinating?

Well, 2008 was a great vacation. I spent it with friends who've been there for me for years and that for me was the highlight.

Now on to 2009, and i'm declaring it a year of action. Hold me to it! This year it's going to be different...I won't spend January 1, 2010 writing another reflection on the year i don't remember...in fact i won't have to write a reflection--- because you will remember it.

No sex...but you let him eat it

There are many girls who are doing their best to preserve their virtue, saving that virginity for the honeymoon with Mr Right. Others might not be virgins but aren't in a committed relationship and, therefore, are choosy about who they go to bed with. They would rather have no sex than wake up regretting the deed.

What's a girl to do when the urges are strong and there are so many men ready to satisfy them. Let him eat it of course! after all it is not sex....or is it?

You might not want to have sex for whatever reason, maybe as mentioned above you are saving youself for someone special, or you might just not want to give in too early in the relationship and have him lose respect for you. So why are there so many girls who are refusing to have intercourse with a guy, but feel no way about letting him perform oral sex on them?

Oral sex is sex, isn't it? Isn't that why they have the word 'sex' follow 'oral'? Is the girl who saves it for her wedding night but has had oral sex performed on her still virtuous? Will giving a man oral sex instead of intercourse preserve your virtue? Will he think you have self restraint because you didn't let him 'hit it'?

I've heard a man liken the vagina to heaven. According to him, it doesn't matter to a man whether you had intercourse with him or you allowed him to eat it. He says once the man has been given any access to that 'heaven', he will count it. According to him, if you have oral sex, you may as well have sex. If he would have lost respect for you because you were too easy to bed, he will still lose respect for you for allowing him to perfom oral sex on you. The theory is that you have already allowed him access to that most sacred of places....your 'heaven'

So are you really preserving your virtue by not letting him go all the way? Will he see it as self restraint? Will he understand that you only did it to please him?

You see many girls justify allowing oral sex but not intercourse by saying he was pressuring her and she thought that was the best compromise. You don't want to lose your virtue by having intercourse, but you don't want him to lose interest and move on because you were playing hard to bed.

But will he really be satisfied with just giving you oral sex? Won't he think that he's got his foot inside the door, on step closer to being inside that heaven? You see, most guys are depending on the sexual feelings to overwhelm you, sweep you up, build until you start begging for him to enter you, to fill that most sacred of places. He thinks it's just a matter of progression, that you are just playing hard to get because you really want to do it. He just needs to hit the right buttons to speed it up and assure you you're doing nothing wrong. You're just doing what every girl does and your nos are really "yes, please! don't listen to me. I just have to do this but please, please, #@*& me!"

So, no sex...but you let him eat it?